There are few things that I am uncomfortable talking about. As a health volunteer this has been a huge asset to me. I have no problem asking how long someone has had diarrhea, what color was the pus that came out of the infected cut on their finger, or if they had seen any worms in their kids poop lately.
People, I think, feel pretty comfortable talking to me about their health. People know I care, that I will listen and try my best to respond to their concerns or questions.
I know the men in the local jail feel that way.
I started doing health palestras at the jail a few months ago with the Portuguese volunteer in town. Much more graceful than me, Margarida was great at fielding awkward questions in a productive way. I tended to just answer them.
Both of our methods work. And together we were able to have some wonderfully productive sessions with the men in the Manjacaze jail. We have discussed hygiene, gender roles, STIs and HIV.
I think one of the things I like about the sessions at the jail is the captive audience. Unlike many of the trainings I have done, everyone was on time and no one left early. There were no crying babies and no little girls relaying messages that there was a neighbor waiting for her mom at the house. The men were attentive and participative. They had great questions and helped each other out when someone did not understand my “style” (read: I still have trouble with the gender of nouns) of Portuguese.
For me, working with the men was really fun. I am used to working with women and girls. And I love working with women and girls. I love being able to relate and comparing my own experience as a girl with women here. But I have to admit, working with men is also pretty fun. And let's be honest, if we want to change the equality among men and women, men really must be included in the discussion.
The men quickly opened up to me. I told them they could ask me anything, a promise I never regretted but that has caused me to awkwardly laugh and blush a number of times. I also allow time after each palestra for the men to come to talk with me one on one about any questions they still have.
The men had no qualms about asking why women are more susceptible to HIV. They enjoyed learning how female condoms work and that they were free at the health center. They were interested to know how circumcision reduces a man's risk of contracting HIV. They listened closely when we discussed diseases caused by a lack of hygiene and had many questions about what exactly Tuberculosis is and how can it be avoided. We had a great discussion about gender roles and they admitted that, while a man would maybe cook for himself when his wife was sick. A man will never stay home and care for the children while the woman works outside of the home.
One thing that we keep coming back to, week after week, is the question of fidelity. The group of 90 quickly agreed that men, sleeping with another woman outside of their marriage might be considered necessary. If a man works in the South African mines, for example, it is acceptable for him to have a second home with a second wife and a second set of children. I then asked if the wife is also allowed to have extra-marital relations. The men just laughed. If a woman was to sleep with someone else, she would be sent out of the house immediately.
You can start to see the delicate place in which women in live Mozambique. They exist to serve men, not to serve themselves.
In Mozambique, women sit on mats and men in chairs. Men eat first and sleep first. They wake up last. Women prepare the bath water and clean the laundry. Women work in the fields and men drink in the bars. Men can “andar fora” (sleep around) as it is their biological necessity.
I think that last point is the hardest for me to grasp. Mozambican men, almost all of them, agree that men must have sex. If a man is not able to have sex when I wants (read: needs), he could potentially get sick. It just is not an option.
The men I work with in the jail, since I meet with them weekly, are comfortable explaining these things to me, but they get very frustrated with I argue this point. Women have little to no negotiating ability within their marriages. Should they decide not to satisfy their husbands, they may get beat or yelled at or kicked out of the house. The men are honest about this.
Sometimes we end discussions in an impasse, with me explaining anyone is capable of controlling their sexual urges, that no masturbation is not illegal and it might be a good choice for some of them if they want to respect their wives when they travel for work and them just laughing at me and my silly American ideas. Nonetheless, the men always start the sessions excited and with a number of questions regarding the topic from the week before. It is somewhat reassuring. I mean, I know they couldn't really skip out on the sessions, but it makes me feel like they are really enjoying the sessions. I know it is better than sitting inside that dreary, small room.
Plus, we always start with a game. And who doesn't love some Simon Says on a Thursday morning?
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